Musings of a Rebel

Will I ever grow up?

2009-12-17T07:07:35Z

So I just found out today that I won't be graduating soon after all. Looks like I'm gonna have to take another semester to finish this damn paper. I could've broken my back and submitted a final copy in January, but I'm pretty sure I would get a crap grade. So I weighed what's more important to me: a better product or finishing now and I chose the former. Now I better get an A on this paper!!!

Since I live at home, I had to tell my parents and well...they were none too pleased. Since they are Chinese parents, they are super strict and not very supportive. Granted, I am taking WAY TOO long, but it kills me to hear about how parents of other students in my position are much more understanding. The Asian culture is really about discipline and telling you what's right and wrong. It always blows my mind to watch teen shows and see how characters get away with everything..if that was my ass, I woulda been straightened TRUST ME.

So as punishment, my dad's not gonna drive me ANYWHERE. Now that might seem like nothing, but I don't have a driver's license (I know, should get on that but I wouldn't have a car anyways) and I live in the suburbs where transit is absolute shit. I have jury duty in another city coming up and what would've been a 20 min drive is now gonna take me an hour and a half and FOUR buses. To get downtown, it's gonna be 2 hours and I have to pay for the local transit, the GO bus/train, and the subway. Ughhh why is Canada so HUGE and spread out???

This basically means I'm gonna be pretty much house bound, hunched over my computer, tapping away at the computer trying to finish my paper. Which was kindof the case before anyways, but now..extra so? When my friends call me, I'm gonna have nothing to say. So, what'd you today? I woke up, ate, wrote my paper, ate, went to bed. RIVETING STUFF RIGHT THERE. Right now I'm just praying I'll find a job so I can move out ASAP. I can't believe how far I've regressed. I was living on my own, working for so long and all, and now I'm back at home, in school, and unemployed.

The only way I'll be redeemed is if I get an A on this paper. So I'm gonna work extra hard and churn this thing out. I can't keep being the Asian Van Wilder!! The longer I stay in school and at home, the more childish and immature I get. Here's hoping to growing up faster and acting my age soon. Funny, isn't it, since that's the exact opposite of what everyone else is wanting these days.

The in-between stage.

2009-12-09T02:31:51Z

The in-between stage is the worst. The one between school and a job. I will be graduating soon and I have to find a job. I've had one for 4 years so it feels really odd to be back on the hunt again. This time, I'm truly scared of the uncertainty that lies ahead. I don't even know where I'm going to be and what I'll be doing next year. I've always had something, whether it was school or employment but pretty soon, I won't have either.

I hate that this world revolves around money. That we all need to generate income in order to survive. And that most of the time, you hate what you're doing to make money. I wish that we could all do whatever we wanted to do, what we truly loved instead of waiting until retirement to fulfill our dreams. The idealism in me never dies. I wish that we all had the luxury of time and money to try different things and decide on what we really want to do in life.

The older I get, the more I don't know what I want to do in life. I really am having a quarter life crisis. Where's my Easy button in life???

Loco Coco

2009-11-27T21:24:39Z

Crazy busy time right now as I'm struggling to finish my MA research paper. But I procrastinate FAR too much, it's really sad. It's a habit that'll never die it seems. In any case, I need to learn how to do my makeup better. Below is the lovely supermodel Coco Rochas and her bf as taken from her blog http://ohsococo.blogspot.com. I want this to be my 2009 holiday makeup! Even though I'm not going to any parties cause my paper keeps me enslaved lol.

One thing I'll say about blogspot is that I do love uploading pics right on their site instead of going to photobucket, uploading it there, posting it here, etc. Sigh, can't have everything I guess.

Wow it's 4:30 pm and I just wasted a whole day doing nothing!

Also, RIP Korean model Daul Kim.

Trance/house

2009-11-03T05:49:13Z

I've been listening to a lot of trance/house/euro stuff lately ever since I got back from Shanghai. I used to hate that stuff and thought it all sounded the same. I thought it was just music for lame ass ravers high off ecstacy. But that was before I knew there was such a thing as GOOD dance music lol. The stuff we get in Canada just DOES NOT compare. In China, I heard so much really good house music. Now I'm just addicted. If anything, it's great workout music!!

This kid's only 18..a French kid based in Shanghai:

And I discovered this thanks to Mia Michaels:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I just wanna dance!!!

Chaotic calmness

2008-10-17T01:30:56Z

Wow, it's been a while since I last updated. Inevitably, Facebook (and grad school) replaced LJ and I, bah bah-ing like the herd of sheep that migrated to FB, also followed. Since the last entry, a lot has happened and yet, reflecting back on it, nothing has at the same time. The minutae of your life seems so much more urgent and fascinating while you live them, second by second, then when it's all over and look back on them with a sigh, either wistful or shameful. This is definitely not the time to re-start LJ as I'm in the midst of thesis hell but the lure of writing just for the sake of writing pulled me in again. Nobody has to approve this. I am not writing for someone.

I guess the biggest piece of news is that I've upped and left the "city" in which I lived in for far too long and loathed far too much. I am in the city I've dreamed of for so long and yes, it feels good. It feels damn good. What can I say, I'm a city girl. Born in one of the biggest cities in the world, it's where I feel the liveliest. It's the unending train of paradoxes which greet me at every turn; it's the intrigue of unpredictability; it's the mystery of everyday strangers but most of all, it's the indulgence in being anonymous. Others are oblivious and blase towards you except for those fleeting moments of eye contact and your neighbours don't know your name.

I adore all of that. I adore being nameless, faceless, lost amongst other nameless and faceless-es. It puts me at ease and I'm calm amidst this chaos of big city sirens, people talking, laughing, crying, spitting, yelling. It's an adventure, everyday.